ZE END!!! (of the first episode)

weeeeee! itz only herpes simplex 1!

this is going to be a long end of the summer, i tell you.  who the f is peyton?  i don't care but everytime i see her im like who are you and where did you come from?  at least krissily has a stupid name we could remember. 

oh DAYUM, wrinkles just said she was gone for hours and he didnt even ask her how her day was!!?  naggin betch.  oh no! now she says she is in love with jesse kovax TO jesse kovax and he is not feelin it.  she is now trying to strategize with him and tells him if he treats her poorly it will have negative consequences  on him.  like what is she the godfather?  im not sure what just happened there ( he is too- he just said he is completely confused)

oh christ she is crying and says when she kisses him she feels love and when she kisses him she doesnt feel it back and it hurts.  Evil Pdempz and heidi fliess are back and they are accompanied by swing music!  ah TENLEY IS DANCING!!!!! (

my roommate just said she loves tenley btw.  i smell tension! HAI ROOMAY :)  omg michelle has locked squeaky mouse in the bathroom to confront her about starting the rumor about her hooking up with my bf.  michelle should be thanking squeaky for this!  thats the hottest thing that has happened to her sex lyf in YEARZ.  

squeaky pantz is crying hysterically, pretty much fearing for her life cuz of michelle. gramma wrinkles tells her to chill and they will get michelle out and squeaky's tears mysteriously stop.   and the ze emmy goes to squeakalicious for best performance in a comedy or musical.  anyway moving on, its commercial time.  no push ups have been done.  i give up now. 

ok so natalie is talking to JUAN (pronounce huh-wannnn) and i don't care so we are going to skip this part. bla bla boring.  krisiillily is tryina' tell the bitches how to play the game and she is doing the homegirl head shake with her finger waving in the air like she's on maury.  wrong channel bebe!

it's time to start votin bitches OFF!  not tryina' be a betch (i am) but nikki has some wattlage hangin off of her very otherwise strongly featured face.  i no getz it.  anyway people are voting for michelle and then evil pdempz says right to her face NOPE i didnt vote for you!  liez! so convincingly!  much like a sociopath!  swoonz.   sweet and sour chicken votes for huh-wan cuz she is plans with lil mz. junk in da trunk!

GAH i am getting so tired.  i hope not every episode is two hours long! i don't know if i have the stamina.  perhaps this is why i should have gone to ze gym?  OH MAN.  well chris harrison is here to rock me gently off to sleep.  if he says your name you are safe and get a rose from mrs. TEEF (rycroft).   craig m and heidi jessi feliss are ok. 

my darling duck lips, gia: safe

jesse b (tattoos, banging orange chicken): safe

peyton, ms. forgettable: safe

kiptYn: safe

princess squeaky mouse: safe

junk in da trunk nikki: safe

ms. forgettable #2, ashley: safe

david (i just read he was very "Crude" on jillian's season): safe

sweet & sour chicken, natalie: safe

wes (not a lot of screen time for america's biggest villain): safe

gwen, queen of the collagen dark ages: safe! (score for the aarp generation)

gramma wrinkles the II: safe

the weatherman:  safe

(krisisililiy and kovaxx are safe. boring.)

UGH.  HU-wann and CRAZY MICHELLE are gone already!!!! hu-wan is actually kinda cute.  sadz.  crazy michelle, why is our time always cut so short?!  why can't you control the crazy just long enough so we can hang?  i go to bed with a broken heart, i must rest now,. so til next monday my friend(z).

WOMPITYWOMP:SUMMER EDITION!!