Seriously Ze Parte 2

My mortal enemy: The weatherman!

I wasn't kidding when i said this was going to be long.  i cannot type fast enough. so chris tells me there are 19 and they all have a chance to find love and 250,000 dollaz.  each week they will play games, and will receive roses that will keep them safe AND allow them intimate dates. the guys will vote off the girls and the girls will vote of the guys.  my boyfriend Craig M says this is dirrrrty.  

oh man here comes chris' co-host, melissa rycroft.  she's as annoying as the last time i saw her and she doesnt waste a beat making sure all these loser singletons know she is now married!  craigM my boyfriend just said "this is like christmas", we are kindred spirits, probs.   all the doors are locked and these idiots find out they have to sleep in bunkbeds all in one room.  there is gonna be so many different kinds of STANK in that room.  please take a moment and imagine what these trollops look like without makeup first thing in the morning?!  count me innnn. 

natalie isnt wearing any undies though.  they are talking about who they want to vote off already, and they are ALREADY SAYING CRAIG M?!  wtf?  do they want me to stop watching (true story, there is almost no way that is possible)  ugh melissa rycroftz comes out to tell them its time for competition and i dont like it.

while this commercial break is happening i am going to do 2 things.  1- i am going to do a couple of girly push-ups (cuz i didnt go to da gym you know) and 2- i am going to ponder how PISSED princess snaussy is that she missed her chance to be on this shit show.  she played jakeypoo's cross-eyed beard just like 2 weeks too long or she could have made it!  somewhere, someone (named snausalicious) is singing a sad sad song in a local hooters, black eye makeup smudge all ova her grill, pushing pins into her ally/tenley/and newly made jakeypants voodoo dolls...

the sad songz of princess snaussy..

ugh, shit we are back already and i did exactly ZERO pushups.  so, erin baldwin...you better fucking LOVE this nine year long post cuz my physical health is suffrin'!

anyvaze.  theres some giant twister board and squeaky tenz promptly pulls her leg above her head (she's a dancer in case you forgot) and declares herself the automatic winner.  i hope this means she loses.  and again, melissa rycroftz?  why are you here it TIS unnatural!!

again DO YOU SEEZ?!

the girls want my boyfriend craig M to lose.  i just had to take a break to explain to my roommate about what is going through my mind right now.  theres just too much!!  elizabeth wrinkles tells craigypants she doesnt like him!  i hope he killz her!.  this girl nikki is a little chunkay compared to the others.  jessie says "if i win ill take you on the date"  that lil betch stealin ma mannnnn.  jessie goin to be makin some enemiezzzz in the form of wrinkley forehead!!  wrinkleys looks so bad with blonde hair.  she is telling my bf how she is an honest person.  evil pdempz is just so hot.  he is wearing a fedora and i thinkkk he is asking wrinkleys out on his date but i cannot hearz!

theyz going to bed now.  i cannot wait to see how many night vision hook ups start going down and by "can't wait" i mean i want to go rub a precautionary layer of valtrex all over my body cuz i can probs catch whatever these hos have via the TV screen. 

it's only 8:51.  Ze parte 3 comin atchya...