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| this is an actual photo of a contestant the minute they emerge from da house... |
well, here we are again. i'm gonna do it in one whole parte, so brace your mother effing selves....
koFAX or whatever just decided within 30 seconds that being a couple with gramma wrinkles is a better strategy than being apart from her (i dizagree). natalie (aka sweet n sour chicken if you do not recall) just said something about student loans. this is puzzling to me cuz she looks and sounds like she has the IQ of an 8 year old. and not a dashing, eloquent 8 year old like king curtis. a real regular dumbass 8 year old!
anyway next up is something about pie eating. kirsililily is making bitch faces. nameless, faceless peyton is talking about inside (crispy chicken, tenley, wrinkles) vs. outside girls (krisililiy gwen, and the two faceless wonders).
ok so these bitches have to eat pies without their hands, mrs. big teef rycroft tells us (it seems that ABC has heard my yells and have cut her presence out a bit this episode. praise da lawd). anyway, krilsislsiy is starting to cry! about pie! she doesnt have a gal bladder or something so she cant digest fat (which sounds good, no?) but that douche guy whose name i forget said that was a bad move, you know cuz playing the game is more important than dying. of course to play this game the girls must where as little clothes as possible. there are SO many inappropriate porn related jokes i can make right now but i wont. squeaky mouse doesnt like this at allll. she's gonna vom then eat it i think? darling duck lips is yacking too. k i will comment no more about this. vomit is not prime blog topicz....now we just wait. ok duck lips gia and squeaky mouse are neck and neck but just ew,. haha gia won and you just ate all those calories squeaky pants!! l to the o to the lz.
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| dis is squeaky pantz post contest! |
i refuse to comment on the male portion of this contest unless something bad happens like my bf, craig M's gorgeous rpatz-esque mane gets mussed in the berries. i wish they gave him a headband or hairnet or something. sadz. just a sidenote i do not appreciate that in the after commenting portion they did not allow gramma wrinkles to wipe her face down. OH NO!!!!! my bf just stuck his hair in the pie on purpose to wipe up some pie. i am sad but impressed with his ingenuity. ugh my arch enemy the weatherman just won. i barfz
anyfarts weatherman pick queen of the dark ages (gwen) and i kid you not the two nameless faceless wonders, ashley and peyton! this makes me lol. he wants to charge them and says this is "BIZNEZZ". i dislike him and his (what i can only presume is a) teeny wiener. they're gonna body paint or some shit. im disinterested AGAIN. omg he's in his speedo again. he actually just called it "SPEEDO THE SEQUEL" i vomz.
krisilsisliy is still bitching about not being one of the cool kids. someone's parents did not shell out enough money for therapy in her teen years which also is evident cuz she's ON THIS SHOW. also, why is gia an outsider? she so foxy! ducklips and all!
anyfartz it is worth noting that this week's experience is slightly more pleasant cuz a i am wearing a robe (no gym clothes, i got realistic), and i started this shit late so i can fast forward through the terrible commercialz. but seirously, this foursome on this date is like reject city!
gramma wrinks, kryptonitez and sweet and sour chicken are talking strategy and she just said "the others". this is not LOST bitch. you are not in the same category, step BACK.
ok moving on, bla bla gwen and weatherman like each other or some shit. gwen is giving me meg ryan vibes. not like cute when harry met sally americas sweet heart meg ryan, but like post dennis quaid botched botox meg ryan. weatherbitch should think long and hard if THIS is the kind face he wants to be wakin up to in the morning. JUST SAYZINNNNN!
anyway, gia is bringing wes, my boyfriend craig, and a third one whose name she is going to "pick out of of a hat" but that sneaky bitch just wrote JESSE BECK (aka sweet n sour chicken's main piece) on every piece of paper. how smaht of her!
ruh roh. jesse b just said he doesnt reeeeery like natalie and he is only here for the monay$. wrinkles is conspiring with koFAX. ok im sorry i REALLY cant focus. i am looking for bday presents for my roommate (HAYYYY! dis is a test to see if she's reading so HAYY ROOMAY) but focusing on the cinematic masterpiece before us, they should rename this show from the bachelor pad to EVERYBODY LOVES GIA!!! wes, craig m, jesse b. they loovvvveee this bitch!! wes is drop L bombs, no jkz!
anyvaze, GIA picks wes instead of craig Mz like she promised. ruh rohhhh. heidi fleiss and david make out in the hot tub to show their trust or something. KRISILSISLILy povich is getting mad about it! anyway i think jesse b just broke'd up with sweet n sour! gia is more girlfriend material! fack i need to focus more! my brainz gonna be explodzingz!!!
chris harrison's tie and shirt combo is making my eyes bleed. purple polka dot tie and brown gingham looking shirt plus black jacket. i think i just got tourette's.
anyway squeaky made wrinkles mad about something, and SHOCKZ she started to get upset. dun dun dunnnnnnn it's elimination timezzz....outsider girls wanna send KYptYn home, but i doubt that will happen, cuz then how will the theme of squeaky virginal squeaky and kiptyn romance be able to be shown? anyway...people are against my bf craigypoo again! wrinkles, faceless ashley, and sweet n sour chicken just voted for him :( seems like some dudes are voting for KRISISISISLY but heidi fleiss was blindsided that peeps were trying to vote for her!
the dudes seem to be scrambling to get NIKKI as their swing vote. kYPotinz is going to go after her and i believe this will work because of her vulnerability due to her unnatural and overwhelming jowls/chin area. krisilsislsiy thinks the outsiders are going to take over the house. did i accidentally change the channel and the year and stumble onto the set of kid nation?
ok here we go:
squeakz- safe
faceless peyton- safe
jesse b- safe
faceless ashley- safe
jowly nikki- safe
david- safe
gramma wrinkles- safe
orange chicken deluxe- safe
koFAX- safe
it's down to krisilsislisy, heidi fleiss, my boyfriend, and kyptonite and sadly my heart knows what up.
krisily and kyptonz are safe :(
NO MORE HEIDI FLEISS AND EVIL PDEMPZ?!!!! WTFFFFZ!?!?!?!?!
we will never see this gorgeous creature again!? just like crazy michelle he has left me too early. i leave you some photos to cherish as i will through these difficult timesz...
moral of the story is nikki and her jowls are efffffed going forward! the previews show me this for real, but for now i will mourn the loss of my bf. um also in the preview for next week, sweet n sour gets topless, gia calls wes a modern day Shakespeare anddddd um that's it i think. all i know is, my roommate has no bday present and i... i has a sad
until next time my friendz....
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