BOLLOCKS DAHLING!!!

Some of The Gang, In Happier Timez... RIP Powdie... Cat...I will miss you...       The rest of you can fack off! Gooznight!

well well.  i only just posted about the herpes infested pad of bachelors last night and now i am back to chat about the househoes of DC.  i was on the fence about whether i would do it now or wait a few nights and give myself a break, but 30 seconds in a see lynda and her neck in an apron cooking bacon with her 3 kids in ridic onesie pajamas but most importantly giant african EBONG is there as well.  andddd im sold!

nomnomom

lynda is cooking up some thick juicy slabs of bacon that looks strikingly similar to the cracklins on her neck.  just for the record, i am not obsessed with necks (hay nikki!) i just happen to watch shows graced with these beauties.  lynda is pissing me off.  im not really feelin her no mo.  she is starting to look for and more crypt keepery to me erryday! sorray baboo!

ok here is stacy...we learn that not so shockingly (since she is a strong black woman and all) she went to howard university, then two seconds later after they are talking about their step team song, that shockingly (seriously) HOMEGIRL'S BIRTH MOM IS WHITE! she doesnt even say white she says Caucasian.  MOMMA WAS GERMAN?! well this is going to cause some problems with her whole identity.  pops is nigerian.  they were in the peace corps.  he was a teacher and knocked her mom up! OY TO THE VEY! she wants to know who her peoples are (she said it, man).  im sorry i want to make so many white jokes. 

but we move on to mary mary quite con-i'm sleeping.  she is helping some guy named ted launch his saloon! hahahahha wait she just said some people call washington "hollywood for ugly people".  i dont even have anything to say to that it's so right on the money and she said it not me!! oh christ skinny bag of bones enters squealing and jumping around. OMG also POWDER is there!!! oh mary no likey...micahelala is sponsoring the event but she feels like she did all the work.  god she is so anorexic (word up lynda).   mary is jealllousssss!!! she calls out her queen friend ted who she kisses on the mouth that she saw him talking to michelallawhore and she does not like it.  POWDER IS HIS HUSBAND!!! gah my head just exploded all over the tv room.  

cat the bitch is here and she is mocking mary to her face when she says hello.  she then says, to her fucking face, "im kind of over all you americans with your three month holidays" referring to her tan.  TO HER FACE. bitch has got balls of steel and an icy cold cavern where her heart should be. 

michaelalaslut is back- she has told like 50 people she loves them so far like 15 minutes in. marymary is gulping some red wine. TARK is here in a white suit looking like a smug cockhead! sorry but its trueeeeee.  every shot of them they are like 6 inches away from the camera lens, so close you can see the spotlight and fucking boom mic in the reflections off their shiny ass heads.  im jus sayin yalllll!!!

oh so here we go with mary's kids and she is talking to her daughters, including LOLLY about her new job.  she is an executive assistant.  big whoop guys i am an assistant too it ain't that difficult and it's certainly not a whole lot to be proud of. anyfart, mary is mad dead-eyed in this segment and that's all. 

well michaelala calls the brit bitch cat to invite her to a grape stomping.  cat once again brings her magical bitch game to the forefront saying fine she will go to michelaleael stupid grape stomping event but she wants to bring a few friends AND she wants to know if they are going to be allowed to drink wine or if they will only be serving beer again.  ouchhhhies.  i dont know if michelaelal is so dumb she doesnt see how this is a nasty jab at her or if she's just not used to this level of cuntiness.  either way she deserves it and cat has a hold on my heart. 

mary, god is she boring.  she and her dead eyes (and the burberry blanket she is trying to pass off as as a poncho) bring cat and POWDER to a furniture store where she announces she is painting her living room HIGH GLOSS BLACK.  stop the music. stop everything you're doing. did you hear that? black!! yeah i dont care either.  ugh these shows.  cat is there in her fur collar (lovezit) making bitchy comments left and right and upsetting mary. she wants modern furniture-all black and white and uncomfortable looking- to feel warm and sexy.  POWDER says it will only be warm and sexy if "you're the dude from the american psycho movie".  well done POWDIEZ! him and cat cackle at her to her face.  i think we have a front runner for co-HBIC (head bitch in charge, if you're slow- and co because cat is the one and only HBIC especially cuz she says dahling after her nasty comments. i getz chillz.

POWDIEZ is telling them a story about how tark and michealeala invite him and his black husband to the black caucaus dinner which mary reminds cat (who already prolly knows, thank you very much) that this is like the most important event for the african american community.  STFU MARY! gahd.  anyway powdiez says they didnt even have tickets for them really, and snuck them right in and stole other people's seats! DAYUM that is ballsy.  mary isnt pissed because of this scandalous behavior she is pissed that her main gays are sneaking into parties with these two famewhores.   apparently the famewhores got escorted out of the black caucaus dinner by the secret service (but then got back into the VIP area) mary and her sun damaged skin like the word cat chose (duh)- brazen.  so we use dat. SHAZAAM!

so errybody but lynda and EBONG are going to the vineyards and stacy (she of half white origins heh) are curious about what this joint is going to look like in relation to their friends' vineyards.  cat is wearing fur again of course, and she brought POWDER.  this is a power couple if i have ever seen one!!! POWDER & CAT 4EVA!!

michaelalala and tark are at the vineyard hired private security to the vineyard that his mom tried to legally kick him off of.  that says something right there.  his momma dont even like him! michealela has an assistant which is embarrassing for the assistant, no? oh mary just had a sick burn.  she said the last time she saw michealelal without TARK she was "behind the counter at nordstrom selling me makeup in the 90's" ouchies! someone put on her big girl pants today!

POWDER now tells the black caucus dinner story to the black people.  this wont go over well.  OOH! someone said OBAMA (#1 of the night)!!  oh shit stacy is pisssssed about this cuz she just hung out with those twits in paris and she black (at least half).  they are almost at the vineyard now and i have a feeling cat is going to unleash some mayjah catitude all overrrr this fuckery.

tark's sweater looks like it's straight out of the salvation army basket.  cat is not cool with this security detail and asks wtf is going on and michealelala answers with "we're excited to have you all here with us?" i ask again- retarded or unprepared? i can say im not happy with ma boy JASON who was so pissed in the limo but is all buddies with TARK now.  cat bitches them out again and is getting pissed and starts saying "give love" to herself.  i think this is what she says before she snaps a bitch's neck. 

she says she "is not stomping and even with your whistle you won't get her stomping, but (of course) thank you anyway"  i effing believe her.   she does not wanna be "bossed about".  she keeps asking powder "is this my life?" she tells TAR-EK to get some manners ("even though i know you're american" ouch) then she mocks anorexicalealala by saying LOVE! LET'S LOVE EVERYBODY! michelala doesnt even get it and REPEATS IT! def a retard.  but here is where it gets good.  her assistant then says to cat "love is better than being bitchy to everybody"

......SAY WHA?! did she really just say that to queen bitch of england? as stacy says everyone was shocked and jason (trying to get back in my good graces we see) "you usually don't expect your service provider to call the customer a bitch, but keepin it reeeal- cat was bein a bitch".  i am not buying that cat doesnt know she is a bitch.  not for a second. 

they start stomping and taR-EK is counting seconds and making it all competitive but there is some scandal about these being TABLE GRAPES! GASP!!!!!! cat astutely points out that there wasnt one grape from virginia and there wasn't one grape that wasn't from the super market, but at least it was a nice day for BOLLOCKS.   she then starts singing BOLLOCKS BOLLOCKS!!! this bitch has no shame!  mary tries to tell her "who cares" when she is complaining about their fakery.  cat goes to leave early with jason and just yells "BOLLOCKS DAHLING".  bitch knows how to make an exit. 

oh now they are all shit talking shit about kitty cat!  who do they think they is!  they are such fakers saying "cheers" to their hosts! asshats.  now they are bringing up the black caucus thing! michealela and tarK tell them thats bs and just spin spin spin it! HD TV is not so kind to any of these ladies (cept for stace, homegirl has nice skin)

mary just said that lynda adores michealalea and stacy stopped dead in her tracks when mary said  called her ano a few episodes ago "out of kind intentions".  im not jk i dont think i can blog about this shit anymore.  mary just said she was hurt when she heard micehaleal say she likes to talk about people and micehalala said she did it because she heard they were making fun of her in the hotel suite.   tARK looks like he has justttt about had it with this shit.   i cant tell if mary is drunk or not cuz her eyes are really droopy again and she is trying to make tark talk to her and then BOOM.  ITS FUCKING OVER! wtf bravo. 

BLUE BALLS!!!!!!!!!!

the next episode doesn't even look good.  cat tells some old lady who's working on health care reform "good luck with that" and then dresses as sarah palin to a politic event.  oh SNAP. ah gahd i don't care anymore.  THE END.  no more househoes til they stop jerkin me around!!! 

GOOZNIGHTZ