So tonight is the premiere of this sure to be classic show “The Price of Beauty” starring Mz. Jessica Simpleton, ken paves, hair guru and Queen of all Da Twinkletoes in the universe, and her bff CaCeeCobb (salad).
So I guess the whole premise of this shit is that Simpz and co. are going to go all around the world figuring out what real beauty is. This must have been PaPa Joe and Tina’s way of trying to make JS regain her confidence after THE INCIDENT aka THE CHILLI COOKOFF AKA aka THE MOM JEANS SEEN ROUND DA WORLD!!!
Anyvaze, they are off to Thailand this epi and we begin with them getting Thai massages and Jessie said she "hopes she doesn’t pass gas" and CaCEE doesn’t get to have one cuz she is the third wheel wearing poopy colored brown dress and a frowny face to match. *Fun Fact: CaCEECcobbsalad gets to date Murray from Clueless so she should drop the frowny face ASAP. She is the luckiest sidekick hanger-on in da universe. Murray was FAWIIIINE. K sorry moving on...
Mizz Simpz, with all due respect, looks like she has cotton balls in her cheeks during her little one on one camera time. I’m not hatin’, I’m just stating a FACT.
So bla bla bla some Thai bro fortuneteller just told her she is going to have good luck in love with a small guy—maybe he means him?! Queen Pavez starts up the giggle parade and now they are off to be eating bugs that speed up your metabolism. GETZ ME SOME OF THOSE BUGGGGZZZ
It’s hard to believe, as she’s gagging all over these bugs and talking about slime on her tongue (gross, Jessica GAHD) that this is the woman John Mayer called “sexual napalm”. Google it.
Mizz Simpz, with all due respect, looks like she has cotton balls in her cheeks during her little one on one camera time. I’m not hatin’, I’m just stating a FACT.
So bla bla bla some Thai bro fortuneteller just told her she is going to have good luck in love with a small guy—maybe he means him?! Queen Pavez starts up the giggle parade and now they are off to be eating bugs that speed up your metabolism. GETZ ME SOME OF THOSE BUGGGGZZZ
It’s hard to believe, as she’s gagging all over these bugs and talking about slime on her tongue (gross, Jessica GAHD) that this is the woman John Mayer called “sexual napalm”. Google it.
Ohhh apparently in Thailand it's cool to be pale- I would fit right in!!! After this I go on expedia.commmm!! But, oh what a downer, now they are taking J.Simpz and friends to see a lady who fucked up her skin trying to be pale. It’s upsetting my roommate, she's leaving the room!! J.Simpz is breaking up our Monday night fun! Stupid bitchhhh, I will never forgive you for this!
Commercial break just happened that featured a commercial for some more J.Simpz products! How convenient! BUT back to Mz. Simpleton!! she just drove around in a tuk tuk, which anyone who has ever seen ANTM knows is one of those lil bike cabs, but even tho JS was just in one, she says she still doesn’t really know what a tuk tuk is. idiot.
Now this I can appreciate. she is trying to meditate and can’t keep her shit together. I imagine this is what would happen if I had to do this shit in front of a monk too. Lil Queen Paves looks PISSED that she interrupted his sexy meditating time. he had some Asian tats all over his arm so you know he takes that shit SURRIOUS.
ok now they are going to see these long necked ladies via elephant who Jessie just said was "HIGH UP" and "felt like a giant scrotum" (shout out to John Mayer?)
They just gave Queen Twinklytoes some one on one screen time and we now know why he isn’t gonna get a lot. homegirl looks like his last face pulled a wittttttle too tight at his last appointment. Homegirl be lookin' SIR-PRISED!!
ok now they are going to see these long necked ladies via elephant who Jessie just said was "HIGH UP" and "felt like a giant scrotum" (shout out to John Mayer?)
They just gave Queen Twinklytoes some one on one screen time and we now know why he isn’t gonna get a lot. homegirl looks like his last face pulled a wittttttle too tight at his last appointment. Homegirl be lookin' SIR-PRISED!!
Oh and CaCeeCobb's a bright one too- she says some women had this many rings, some had this many, and some had THIS MANY!!! And she wanted to learn allll about rings!!!!!
How do these ring ladies in the middle of nowhere know English enough to talk to simpleton and her posse full of fairy dust?!
BAH now they are putting neck rings on them and only twinklytoes ken looks fresh. CaCEECcobbsalad looks like she's wearing a golden neckbrace.
next week they are going to Paris, I wonder if they’re gonna tell her she’s a fatty? Previews certainly hint at it.
How do these ring ladies in the middle of nowhere know English enough to talk to simpleton and her posse full of fairy dust?!
BAH now they are putting neck rings on them and only twinklytoes ken looks fresh. CaCEECcobbsalad looks like she's wearing a golden neckbrace.
next week they are going to Paris, I wonder if they’re gonna tell her she’s a fatty? Previews certainly hint at it.
And that's it for now.. but for those of you with a stronger stomach, a show called TRANSform Me is about to start and stars 3 tranny women who give makeovers to frumpy real women. And one of the trannyz is named LAVERNE. You know Princess Paves would wanna be Shirley…
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