Ze GOLDEN GLOBEZ!!!! The YESz! The NOz! The WTFz! and the mehhhhhhh....

So my friend and loyal reader Princess WingyMinaj was supposed to be hollerin about the Golden Globes all night for me cuz i had to go to a "hockey game". ferreal.  but her fianceemonster sat on her or something and deleted her jokes so here i am! anyway, i missed all the good arrival shiz and only caught the last 30 mins of the show itself and it looks as though all the people we thought would win did (natalie HERSHLAG , colin firth, christian bale, etc etc.) but i had to make some betchy outfit comments before bed or shit just would not be RIGHT, now would it? i'm sure i'll have lots to add tomorrow, but these are the pics i found on jezebel and people (dontsuemeplease!).

So I give you, the YESz, the NOz, the WTFz and the mehhhh.

oh before i start the social network just won and armie hammer is there.  sa-woooooooon.  ok now i start!!! 

THE YESz

olivia wilde.  me like sparkles. iz mezmorized! (marchesa)

quinn from glee.  gets it RIGHT son.

text another bitch tony parker i dare you. foxy eva longoria keepin it REAL.

betty draper.  i was gonna put her in another category but homegirl is bringin it with the boobies, the serious face, and the whole anti-betty thing she has been trying so hard to pull off in the off season.  good for jason sudekiz if he is still gettin with this personality-less broad!

blair waldorff! i don't know why i just like this. it's different and her face and hair and accessories are fly.  chuck bass would be so proud!

not in black! A++. so skinny it hurts my brain but i like angelina in green and sparkles and brad pitt showered as well.  the only thing that would be better would be if they brought their child army with them.  best accessories.  maddox4lyf.

amy adams.  this broad can do no wrong.  i dont LOVE the big bloppy things sticking on her- especially the one on her left ovary, but i like her pretty red hair and blue dress and otherwise funtimes personality.  sorry im BIASED to gingers (sometimes)!

this is important cuz i usually hate this toothy broad.  seriously dislike.  but im really liking the long sleeves and SPARKLEZ and backless and pretty hair and face.  see how easy i am to please?!  good jahb anne hatahaway. i go back to hatin you in 5..4..3..2..BITCH

THE NOz

aw hale naw girlfriendz! seriously. fire ya stylist, fire ya friends and fire ya main gays, cuz they all lyin to errybody out there!

emma stone. easy A. i like your new blond hurr but i do not like that your skin matches your dress and your hair and your lips.  you look like a CREAMSICLE!!! no likey.

sue sylvester.  ya killin me girl!  this actually isn't bad at all, i just want the bitch to go all out and get herself a custommade tracksuit ball gown.  think about it. BALLIN!

oh dirrrty xtina! just no no no.  i don't wanna be mean (lies) but she looks so bloated and i feel there had to have been many ways to hide that.  im cool with people EATING FOOD.  its great! aint no shame in that game! but just wear something that doesnt show off how often you do that. ZING sorry! but ferreal this is just fug. no gracias (remember when she did a spanish language album!?)

aw queen chichiballz joan holloway! i did not like the giant flower freak thing when carrie bradshaw did it in 1999 and i do not like it now! not so big! your boobies are big enough, stop trying to steal their thunder! also, ferreal, if you're gonna do this you do sleek hairdo lady, any gay worth their salt could have told you that! what a shame!

gahd she is pretty. i adore miss halle and her eternal fountain of youth benjamin buttons shit she is doin with her face, boobies, and boday, but i do not like this dress.  it stanks of confusion and 90210 (original cast) and i do not like the double bracelets either if we are bring picky, which we ARE. the top and the bottom just don't agree with each other and also it's like a rat tail.  think about it.  halle berry is wearing a gigantic rat tail!

oh jen from dawsons creek!  she has come so far but just NO.  i think i read that valentino made this and i wonder if he lost a bet. or maybe she lost a bet. sorry no thanks thats all!

america's sweetheart bla bla. dress your age homegirl.  clip-on hair pieces like your bangs are best reserved for the lea michelle's and the snooki's of the universe. the dress isnt bad per se, it's just ruined by the helmet thang coverin that nice lil face of hers.  again no sanks!

MEHhhh

you guys just bore me. or confuse me. i just don't know and i have work tomorrow! (how ruuuude to MLK amiright?) anyway, straight snoreeeeez.  where's ya A GAME!?

mila kunis, wearing a smaller one of those poof things.  not a killer exactly and i like the green but i dont like your pouty face and you dumped kevin mcallister!! i just feel meh, but like good job for being in a real movie with natalie hershlag!!

this broad. i love her even tho i really think she lies about her age.  she is a fierce ass bitch even if she is really like 64.  but again i like the color, the crinkley lookin biznezz and the draping BUT it reminds me of a christmas tree too much.  like i feel if i got close to her, not that she would ever let me hug her, but if she did, i would get stuck with lots of little pine needles and leave wreaking of evergreen air freshners. meh.

claire danes.  too skinny!! married to hugh dancy.  major swoon but your skinniness scares me about him cuz it makes me wonder if he likes real ladies if ya know what i mean.  your skinniness ain't good for ANY OF US.  pull an xtina, eat something and get back to me.  nice color though!

jlo srsly? u bore me. again dress your age. this ain't yo Quinceañera!

hershlag!!! (if anyone out there is slow portman is her stage name and she was born in da holy land jersualem and she went to harvard and if there is such a thang as reincarnation i wanna come back as her, but keep the hershlag name rockin of course) ANYVAZE, im sorry to put you in this category. i really love you as professed above, and i love that your preggie and happy and engaged and showin off ya bump, but i dont like the big sparkley flower on your boobies. i just don't love the whole thing. BUT i must say, unsurprisingly you won and your acceptance speech was so endearing just like you and please forgive me and redeem yourself when you win your SAG and OSCAR k? thankzbai!

 ANDDD...the WTFz!!

these go beyond just plain old NOz and MEHz.  these defy all logic and make one's brain explode wondering how they managed to get past so many mirrors, stylists, friends, family, bfs, gfs and car windows (you can see your reflection bitches!). like who let you out of the house!?

helena bonham carter. i get this is her THING to be all kooky but i don't appreciate it. and yes i see your shoes are two different colors,HOW FUNNY ARE YOU!? this is like when a new parent has pics of their kid doing with spaghetti sauce all over their face and try to show you HOW FRICKIN CUTE!?! their baby is, but all i see is gross ass mess.  THIS is JUST LIKE THAT!

megan fox. who is allowing you to get things injected in your face?  you're like 23 right? maybe 24 tops? seriously is it just me or does she look a lil snipped and tightened? i honestly didn't even look at the dress cuz her face is all SCURRIN ME!

TILDA SWINTON!look at her winkin at us! but yeah, again. this is her thing.  she has been showin up to awards shows for years now lookin like a hot mess in a burlap sack so whatever this may even be an improvement but still a resounding WTFz from the audience.

gah! iz blinded by the color!! one more time everybody say it with me DRESS YA AGE and wear two sleeves and dont make me WTFz you ever again julianne moore! this was even worse on tv than it looks in da pic. like fright night style bad. i like you, but barfies with the neon bar sign color and poofy unisleeve and STUFF.

oh christian bale.  wtfzzzz!  that hair and that scraggle better be for a role or we are gonna be in a FIGHT! 

 ok so i gtg to shleep but i have been watching my dvr'd version of E!'s red carpet.  juliana is so annoying and also needs to eat food. GAHD. she is always talkin about wanting to have bebes, but i really think some doctor should tell her that in order to come down witha  case of the bebes you need to have like .5 oz of body fat to start.  anyway, ok i'm leaving now she is talking to some bro named johnny gallecki who is on a show i don't watch but i recognize him as darlene's boyfriend from roseanne from like 1988 (snap, imdb says it was 1992-1997 EXCUSE ME), but yeah ferreal I GOTTA GO!!! it's bedtime where i will dream of so many sparkles and tafetta and poofy attachments and spanks dancing on fire with my pal the devil in hell!  i'll be back in a few days to catch us up on the househoes, but for now, iz go meow.

yes we know.  dis is our futchya!