Saturday, November 26, 2011

Hills Duff is Overly STUFFED with Canadian Bacon!

Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, I'm sure most of you are just like me and still recovering from a mayjah self-induced food coma (and possibly trying to do some damage control after you puked your brains out in your friend's parent's driveway after a long night of tequila shots with high school heros... note to self: blaming the family dog would have been a totally plausible excuse if not for the fact that half of the neighborhood witnessing your violent up chuck sesh because, well, duh it's fucking THANKSGIVING and families be gathering...)  So here is a lil something that should help you feel better about your current disgusting physical and mental state: a couple of pics featuring Hilary Duff, lookin' more stuffed than your turkey day bird! 




Look, don't get me wrong. I LOVED me some Lizzie McGuire back in the day but lately all the Duffster has going on is chipping her giant chompers and trying to convince us that she's not just another Disney-ho with horrific bangs and CHARMS (charms = chubby arms...its an epidemic!!)  

But seriously, if the Duffster is only good for poppin' out some Canadian bacon bits, what C-list photo-ops is Haley Duff supposed to crash? I don't have any sisters but I'd imagine it's a fucking betch-slap to the dome piece when your bratty little sister is making dollah, dollah bills y'all for her starring role in a Disney show AND for singing the incredibly powerful and intensely moving ballad prominently featured as the "Laguna Beach" theme song (!!!!) while your left with nothing but the scraps of a Nickeloden Teen Choice Awards swag bag and the occasional irregular item from the "Stuff by Hilary Duff" collection for husky tweens!  But I digress...


So during this gluttonous holiday season, be thankful that: 1. You are not Vienna Giradi Haylie Duff 2. You didn't have to bust out four new pairs of spanks and an entire bottle of PAM spray to truffle shuffle your way into a FUG dress (which happens to be three sizes too small and looks like it came out of a fashion bug sample sale) and convince yourself that your bebeh bumpS (yes, plural!) are attractive when in actuality your clearly cutting off all the circulation in your mid-section and most likely depriving your lil nugget of some oxygen. 

Hopefully these pictures will be the kick in the ass you need to see the light and FINALLY do what you are clearly meant to do: create fashionable & elasticized maternity attire aptly named "Stuff by Hilary's PUFF" - Chang Chang !! Money in da BANK, gurrrlll! 

*post by samantics

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