HIIIIIIGH SOCIETY

OK, so this is going to be difficult to write about cuz I know with certainty that no one else watches this trainwreck shit I'm about to get into.  (to be fair, it is on at the same time as ma boy TIM URBAN on American Idol and they have now very sexily flat ironed his mop into a shiny, straight mullet AND he's somehow still on the show, SINGING!!!, and people are still watching! One of naturez odditiez) 


ANYWAY, focus, the show I am yapping about is called HIGH SOCIETY and its some funny fucked up shit, its 30 mins and has nothing actually going on whatsoever, much like you'd imagine happens between the ears of Mz. Vienna Snausages (you didn't think I forgot about Princess Snaussy, did you?)   All of this is made even funnier by the fact that its "star" Tinsley Mortimer is one of its producers aka she gets to see EVERYTHING before the final cut and make decisions and this is how it comes out! Shits unreal. 

Moving on, the show stars some idiots alongside Tinsley (who from here on out will be referred to as Tinslez), her sister DABNEY (no joke, that is her given name), Paul Johnson Calderon, a faboosh gay who is rich and I don’t know why but he hates his former BFF and costar, mayjah racist, Jules Darling Kirby, some waxy figure known as DevWHOREah Rose, (who has also managed to weasel her way on to NYC Prep and The Real Housewives of NYC) and last but not least Dale, the frozen faced zombie that is Tinslez and Dabz momma-je!

Um so they start the show, with the sisters Mortimer, going to a lingerie store they have shut down just for them, buying a bunch of shit, then going to a hotel and jumping on the bed in their purchases and ordering room service (and "pigging out" HA they collectively weight about 120) and drinking champagne in FULL hair and makeup no less.  This is EXACTLY what I do with my sister on the regulah.  I kid you not.

In between scenes they tell you what day it is like it’s an episode of law and order.  A black screen and just MONDAY in all white caps. You can practically hear the DUN DUN... moving on...

PJCz is talking about his scandals and shit and appears to be wearing some macaroni looking necklaces made by a preschooler.  FER-OSH. I just love this fairyprincess.


OMGz. JEWlz is yelling at room service again.  She sucks so hard and is telling them to clean the vomit off of her floor that one can safely assume is hers. She so classy.  The hair salon wont let her in presumably cuz she's a cunt.  No arguments there.

PJC just sent JEWlz some black roses for getting him press in the nypost for their little fight and bitch ain't pleased.  Bahaha he just said waxy DevWHOREah  has "crocodile dundee walkabout hair" and tits that hit you before you get to hug her.  This queen makes it really hard for me not to love him.


DevWHOREah is shit talking about my bebe PJCz and Tinslez!! Saying she lives in (gasp!) Chelsea!! And is dating a prince but where's his crown?! (Answer: who cares his name was Kaz-a-meer or Kazzy for short, he was a serious asshole, and DALE's face practically melted off when he was in the room.) So who cares DevWHOREah. Gahd, this bitch needs to be muzzled, posthaste.


Back to JEWlz, getting yelled at by the HOtel manager where she resides and she wants the cameras off.  Homegirl is fugnasty and bitchy and it should be noted that in the first episode, after saying people are jealous of her cuz she is pretty and smart, she said (and I mother-effing quote)

“My friends do tend not to be homosexuals, fat or Jewish people, and black guys. And I only like white guys. I use the N-word sometimes, but I really think it should be ok to say. My dream is to work for the United Nations.”

Direct quote, I do not lie.  Isn't she a treat!?

DABBLEZ is talking to the camera and I’ve got a major case of the sads for her cuz she looks like a fetal alcohol syndrome version of DA TINZ.  That may have been the meanest thing I’ve ever written about a bitch but surrious its true.  

Anyway JEWlz got kicked out of the hotel and they want us to believe upon her exit there were paparazzoz waiting to take her pic immediately. FALSEHOODS.


PJCz is with his model boytoy Tommy who is both hot and really sweet but he just peaced cuz he wanted to only hang out with PJCz (and the cameras, of course). Homegirl #2 Tommay really knows how to turn on the waterworks to get screen time!  Shit worked. PJCz is now alone and says this happens to him all the time and this guy is an obscure model and he is (again direct quote) "PAUL JOHNSON FUCKING CALDERON!!!!"  Dear god.

DevWHOREah is looking at diamonds that I promise you she can’t afford.  She just legit said "why have a house in the hamptons when you can wear it" then giggled.  She looks like a broke ass Paris Hilton. Think about that image.  Paris Hilton. Only BROKER. Yeah, that's an insult.

Tinslez and Dale are talking about her divorce from a broseph named TOPPER. No jkz. Tinslez was married to a man named Topper. Tinslez just said, "I just want my mommy back." I just googled and bitch is 34 years OLD.  Such language should have been retired decades ago. Unforgivable in a mayjah way.


DevWHOREah goes to a gala with her pilfered diamonds and thinks she has fans.  I would like to tell her that these gays are not her fans, but just additional Tommy-like camera whores who want that boom mic in their face.  HEYOOO!


The end.  Legit.  That was the show.  And yes I will be tuning in next week to do this all over again.  How can you not.  Mothafuckan trainwreckkkkkk!

I leave you with the delicate beauty that is Mz. DevWHOREah Rose...

 Adioz betchezzzzzzzz.