Hills Duff is Overly STUFFED with Canadian Bacon!

Now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, I'm sure most of you are just like me and still recovering from a mayjah self-induced food coma (and possibly trying to do some damage control after you puked your brains out in your friend's parent's driveway after a long night of tequila shots with high school heros... note to self: blaming the family dog would have been a totally plausible excuse if not for the fact that half of the neighborhood witnessing your violent up chuck sesh because, well, duh it's fucking THANKSGIVING and families be gathering...)  So here is a lil something that should help you feel better about your current disgusting physical and mental state: a couple of pics featuring Hilary Duff, lookin' more stuffed than your turkey day bird! 

Look, don't get me wrong. I LOVED me some Lizzie McGuire back in the day but lately all the Duffster has going on is chipping her giant chompers and trying to convince us that she's not just another Disney-ho with horrific bangs and CHARMS (charms = chubby arms...its an epidemic!!)  

But seriously, if the Duffster is only good for poppin' out some Canadian bacon bits, what C-list photo-ops is Haley Duff supposed to crash? I don't have any sisters but I'd imagine it's a fucking betch-slap to the dome piece when your bratty little sister is making dollah, dollah bills y'all for her starring role in a Disney show AND for singing the incredibly powerful and intensely moving ballad prominently featured as the "Laguna Beach" theme song (!!!!) while your left with nothing but the scraps of a Nickeloden Teen Choice Awards swag bag and the occasional irregular item from the "Stuff by Hilary Duff" collection for husky tweens!  But I digress...

So during this gluttonous holiday season, be thankful that: 1. You are not Vienna Giradi Haylie Duff 2. You didn't have to bust out four new pairs of spanks and an entire bottle of PAM spray to truffle shuffle your way into a FUG dress (which happens to be three sizes too small and looks like it came out of a fashion bug sample sale) and convince yourself that your bebeh bumpS (yes, plural!) are attractive when in actuality your clearly cutting off all the circulation in your mid-section and most likely depriving your lil nugget of some oxygen. 

Hopefully these pictures will be the kick in the ass you need to see the light and FINALLY do what you are clearly meant to do: create fashionable & elasticized maternity attire aptly named "Stuff by Hilary's PUFF" - Chang Chang !! Money in da BANK, gurrrlll! 

*post by samantics

All Hail to the New Queen of My TV, Connie Britton

Happy Thanksgiving Eve ya'll!  Please excuse the (very authentic, Paula Deen styyyyle) southern slang, but I am currently binging on "Friday Night Lights" aka the longer and more God-fearing version of Varsity Blues, and the "ya'll-in" is just plain contagious!  This post is dedicated to Southern Hospitality (and no, unfortunately, I do NOT mean JT's restaurant - if that even still exists...?) and all things CONNIE BRITTON.  I am obsessed with this woman - so much so that I am submitting my application for "Mom Swap" and crossing my fingers...whats not to love about Marissa Miller's older, probably a bit more promiscuous, smoke-a-pack-day, slightly more sun-damaged sister? (ps. obvs she's not her sister, but come on, they totally look related, do they not??!) I first fell in love with the ginger-haired beauty a few short weeks ago when I hesitantly watched the first episode of Ryan Murphy's new hot mess, "American Horror Story".  I am continuously amazed by how much subtle (or blatant) sexuality and gratuitous violence Murph-dawg can throw at tv audiences - I don't know who he had to blow to get where he is today but god bless him and his disturbed mind because he freaks me out (and I mean that in a way I am totally lurrrrrving!).  

i meannn...ew

Connie Britton plays the matriarch (and recent survivor of both adultery and a brutal miscarriage) and she is just delightful.  Even when she is getting violently banged out by a creepster ghost-man in a "vintage" black pleather bondage full body suit (can you say romance?!) she is still mother of the year in my mind.... she has such a calming presence and while she seems to have aged quit a bit since cheering on the sidelines at a high school football game, I love her and fully support all of her choices on this show.  BUT, come on - do you really expect me to believe that after she and her daughter (who I HATE btw - did you know she "didn't even really want to be an actor" but her older sister - that chick who dicks over George Clooney in that traveling sales-man in the sky movie -totally convinced her to take a starring role in a new tv show - gag me; her brooding, troubled teen-angst bit is growing SO old - I do NOT care if she is talented, because betch didn't work hard or struggle for her sick job, she basically flipped a quarter and twirled her hair which desperately needs to be cut or pinned back by the way, and landed a sick gig) get tied up by LIL KEV! from Always Sunny and two crazy chicks, that they would contemplate staying in Satan's den for another second?!  HELL TO THE NO! Lil Kev is really commin' up in the world though, so kudos to him and his lil hand, and aspiring rapping career in sunny philadelphia, PA!

Anyturkey, Connie is making me appreciate living below the poverty level in gun-loving Texas and making me wish it was socially acceptable to bone high school boys because those football boys are SEXAY!  Granted, they are def 30 years old playing 16 (Minka Kelly, go back to sucking on Derek Jeter's man tittays because you aint foolin' anyone!) but it is SO hot - and the dad/coach/bomb-diffuser from Grey's anatomy who blew up after saving that bitch Meredith's life (the horror) i mean COME ON - talk about southern sex on a stick - mmmmm, lucky Connie Britton - hottie Grey's bomb-diffuser AND Dylan McD?!  She must have been god damn mother theresa in a past life because gurl is KILLIN IT! Betch!!!!

lucky betch.

*posted by samantics